oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
