It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
