Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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