I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
