I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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