I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
