i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
