I'm really into asian looking animals
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
