we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
