Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
