did you get engaged???
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
