Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
