I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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