walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
