My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
