when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
