I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
