wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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