I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
