I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
