I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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