Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
