Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He told me they were just razor bumps!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
