I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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