I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
