I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
