We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
