Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
