Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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