He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
