Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
