So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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