i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
