You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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