By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
