My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
