mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
