Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
