it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
