i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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