oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
