Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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