my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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