at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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