She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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