I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
