the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
