I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
