Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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