I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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